Hills Again!

by John Whiteley, President 1995-1996

December 2001

Happy Thanksgiving!  As Yr. Obd’t. Svt. is writing this month’s column (under the kind but stern gaze of the good Miss Daisy who has strict, very strict deadlines) the holiday push has begun.  Yesterday was Turkey Day, and a glorious time was had by all.  And the turkey wasn’t the only thing that was stuffed by the end of the day!  Then today was, to quote all the morning newscasters, “the busiest shopping day of the year.”  Somehow, that doesn’t seem possible, after we sat for the better part of an hour just trying to get OUT of one of the parking lots!  You see, your correspondent has recently begun relocating to West Virginia, after my 1st of November nuptials, and getting used to this area is going to take some doing.  Especially the malls.

You see, there are a lot of big hills around here.  Not as big as the Smokies, but close.  And the preferred construction method seems to be, “Just shave the top off that there mountain and build a (fill in the blank) there.”   For example, I was informed today that the tops of seven mountains were shaved off when the Charleston Airport was built.  And, let me tell you, getting into and out of that airport is really a trip, in more ways than one.  Landing, you’re about 1000 feet above the valley floor when NOW YOU’RE OVER THE RUNWAY and the touchdown markers are flashing by and you’re thinking to yourself, “now where did all that asphalt come from all of a sudden?”  Taking off is even more interesting.  You’re rolling down the runway, the aircraft goes through rotation and the wheels come up, and suddenly you’re at 1000 feet and climbing.  (Supposedly, a few airplanes haven’t had quite enough speed when the pavement ended, and their remains are in the tops of the trees in the valley.)

So, anyway, when the powers that be built the mall, they just took a farm that had a number of rather large hills, shaved the tops off the hills, and built the mall.  Except they left the valleys, very deep valleys, between the hilltops.  Nope, the valleys definitely didn’t get filled in.  So, to get from , say, Lowe’s to Wal-Mart, one must leave the parking lot, take the highway past the valley, then turn into the next parking lot.   It’s not like, say, going from Parisian to the Super Wal-Mart at Hamilton Place.  No, there they have traffic lights.  Here, they have stop signs (except, of course, on the main highway) and it’s more like going from a store located on Raccoon Mountain to one located on Signal Mountain and then going to a third on Lookout Mountain.  So, on the busiest day of the year, you can imagine what the traffic is like at the aforementioned stop signs.   And, yes, some are four-way stops, while others are only two-way stops.  It makes one appreciate bicycling.

And West Virginia seems to be the place to appreciate bicycling!   First, looking at the website, you see that this appears to be a bicycle friendly state.  There are a lot of trails, both off road and rail-to-trail, and cycling seems to be welcomed on the backroads.  Yr. Obd’t. Svt. has already seen some cyclists on the secondary roads around here, cyclists wearing the requisite serious rider garb and, more importantly, wearing helmets.  And it’s easy to see where my efforts are going to be concentrated.   West Virginia has, ahem, hills.  Very unlike the swamp parishes of Louisiana where my riding has been done for the past year.  No, they have hills here.  Not particularly big hills, for the most part, at least not around my new home, but sharp ones.  ‘Bust a lung’ sharp ones.  ‘What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger’ sharp ones.  And, you know something?  They are giving me something to look forward to.  Once the bikes get moved here from Louisiana they can plan on getting a real workout.  In fact, it might even become necessary to shift gears!

So, while attempting to locate the local bicycling club (which shouldn’t be too difficult, since there are at least two bicycle shops in town) I’ll welcome any riding companions, especially from Chattanooga, who can help pull this old body over these hills.  If you head this way, my new address is 109 First Avenue, St. Albans, WV, 25177, and the phone numbers are (home) 304-727-1290 and (cell) 304-610-3321.  (Notice that there’s no work number as of yet.  This is a real leap of faith!)

Hope to see you all again sometime real soon.  Until then, HFDF (Have Fun, Don’t Fall).

John

PS:  Be careful out there.   One of the members of the Bayou Country Cyclists was riding on Highway 90, a four-lane highway with a 70-MPH limit but also with nice, wide shoulders, when a girl driving a small car drifted off onto the shoulder behind him.  She knocked him down, then stopped and came back to make sure she hadn’t killed him.  When she found that he was still alive she ran back to her car and sped off.  And, no, he didn’t get the license plate.