|Written by Steve Strain|
|November 01, 2002|
Being in law enforcement I am occasionally privey to certain information which is not available to the general public. It has recently come to my attention that one of our members who shall remain nameless (Stevie B) is under investigation. The authorities are being tight lipped but I have learned that the complaint originated with the ASPCA and other animal rights groups. It seems that our boy assaulted dear sweet Bambi over the weekend and used a deadly weapon to do so. Bambi was out for a romp with his buddies, minding his own business when a cyclist tried to run him over. Rumor has it that the cyclist was identified by passerbys who wondered why his butt was on the pavement and his buddies were holding up score cards to grade his spectacular fall. Indeed, Bambi was interviewed by the police who said someone on a "geeeaunt" bicycle (it must be French) tried to do him in. Bambi said he was "just out running around" when the bicycle hit him and de-furred him a bit.
But before we despair and think that our friend will be in deer prison more information has come forth. Another witness, who says he was behind the group, Byron Mulligan has told the investigators that the deer was wearing a Mr Zip jersey and muttering something about payback for a break that got chased down during the Seq Valley Century.
So what was it? The Fosbury Flop from a bicylce? Revenge of the zipsters? Hunting out of season? Stay tuned. So far our hero has remained mum insisting that he was "just riding around" and doesn't know how the wheel on his new bike got somewhat tacoed.